19

19

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“You aren’t a kid any more, grow up!”

“Be home before it is dark!”

Two of my mom’s favorite lines.

Lately I have been feeling older than I am. I feel as if I lost that *zing* of the youth, I admit that I am not in my teens any more. But that doesn’t mean that I have to feel old! I am still perfectly crazy to be a teen.

I realized that I think a lot before I do anything(my mom still thinks that I should think more*sigh*), and I am no longer that asshole on the road that honks and cuts lane. I am scared really, scared that I would catch “maturity”

Why am I scared of growing old?

No, I don’t give a rat’s ass about the pigmentation stuff (I don’t know what the dang that means) nor the constantly diminishing hair line of mine.

I mean about the stuff inside, the craziness that makes you crazy enough to take that one more pitcher, that one more shot, that one more mouthful, that one more chapter and I will sleep, that fuck it!.

I am afraid that I will grow old into those boring uncles that we try to avoid everyday by taking the “road less travelled”, that hypocrites who blab all day that the people should change while he spits on the road.

 I am afraid that I will be so bored of life that I decide to settle in. By settle in I mean, getting married, getting a “good” paying job that you hate, buying a house and car that you can’t afford and spending the rest of your life repaying the EMIs, the occasional dinner with friends where you fight to pay the bill but you secretly wish that the guy who is working at the bigger company pays it.

No, I don’t wanna be that, I would happily chow down on instant ramen than working a job that I don’t like and eating at costly buffet places.  I would happily buy my clothes at discount places, rather than wearing the ones from the malls and sitting before a desk and wanting to get out.

No, I am not madhavan from 3 Idiots or anyone else.

“But, is growing up really boring?”

Not really, not unless you chose to be boring like a log. Life is never boring; it’s just that you are lazy enough to feel the excitement all around you.

Life is fun, Life sucks, Life is gloomy, Life is bright, Life is pleasant, Life is chaotic, Life is nothing, and Life is everything. Life is what you make of it.

So, when you can make it something awesome, why do you want to make it stale?

Why not go to that trip that you always wanted to?

Why not say fuck it and have one more pudding?

Why not be a hippie?

Why not go backpacking around?

Why not give life your best shot?

Why not?

It has been 4 years past my 19 and I have evolved into a completely different person now, I am still annoying, I still talk a lot, I still am sexy as ever. Then what has changed? I will tell you what has changed. Every-fucking-thing, the very way I look at things and people has took a U turn.

Life is tough, but the tougher life is the more you learn. If you don’t learn before you bite the dust, then what’s the whole point?

Life starts after the moment when you start to fumble, when you start to fail and fail to start, when people bail on you and you still wait for them.

Life starts after pain.

19

Has been that for me, most I guess, life starts after 19.

But that doesn’t mean that you have to give up everything you love and do something for the sake of camouflaging in with others. You can always choose to be stupid and crazy enough to fuck things and don’t stop fucking up. No matter how many times I may fuck up, I won’t give up.

 

To quote Eminem’s Berzerk

“Say fuck it before we kick the bucket”

 

  PS: No, I din’t flunk the image from internet, I made it.

 

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